


Talk Triangle To Me

by per_mare_ad_astra



Category: Atlantis (UK TV)
Genre: But like A LOT of crack, Crack, Horrible pick up lines, Humor, Jason being a horny man with a plan, M/M, Sexytimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/per_mare_ad_astra/pseuds/per_mare_ad_astra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or 'How To Seduce An Oblivious Mathematician With An Arsenal Of Ridiculously Shitty Pick Up Lines'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Triangle To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Atlantians, I give you my SECOND fanfic, even more ridiculous and cracky than the first.  
> This fandom needs some humor, people!  
> Also, this is based on a prompt: Jason trying to woo Pythagoras who is confused because he’s never been courted before. Jason using math pick up lines on Pyth.  
> I may have gone a little crazy with this, but I regret nothing.  
> Enjoy!

Jason was a man with a mission.

He'd been planning this for days now, wracking his brains and trying to remember those traumatic Maths classes he'd been forced to endure for most of his life. Equations and trigonometry, his old friends. Who would've thought they'd help him get someone laid?

It was even funnier when you considered _who_ was going to get laid.

Just thinking about those blonde curls and blue eyes made his knees go weak and oh, that _voice_... That smooth baritone did all sorts of things to Jason's lower regions. And those long-fingered hands...

_Focus, Jason._

Right. The mission.

He'd been resting (not hiding, okay?) in Hercules' quarters for a while now, much to the older man's amusement. He stood up and shook his legs a little, just to wake them up, and made his way to the house's main room.

He tried not to stare too much at the object of his affections, but failed miserably.

Really, it wasn't his fault that Pythagoras was so damn sexy. And the way his fingers stroked that ruler should be _illegal_. God, just thinking about those fingers...

_You're on a mission, Jason._

He plopped down onto the chair next to the mathematician with a casual "Hey."

Pythagoras made a small sound of acknowledgement, eyes focused on his triangles. Hercules, who was sitting on the other end of the table, snorted.

Jason ignored him.

"What are you doing?" he asked the younger man, trying to sound calm and collected.

"Obtuse triangles aren't making sense," said Pythagoras, still not looking at him. He was always like this when he was working: brief and definitely not interested in anyone or anything that didn't have three sides and three angles.

Jason had never been able to refuse a challenge.

"Ah." He cleared his throat. It was time to put The Plan in action. "Well, if you were a triangle, I think you'd be _acute_ one."

Silence.

Well, Hercules choked on his wine, but he didn't count.

"That doesn't make any sense, Jason. And it was grammatically incorrect," said Pythagoras, looking up (woohoo!) and giving him a puzzled look. "Besides, I couldn't possibly be a triangle."

Jason gave a nervous little laugh. "Triangle? More like Tri _angel_!" He winked for good measure.

"What's an 'angel'?" asked the blonde, looking more confused by the second. In the background, Jason could hear Hercules hyperventilating.

"Um... Never mind," he said.

This wasn't going well.

Aaaaand Pythagoras was back with his triangles.

Shit.

"If I calculate this angle..." he muttered distractedly, using that damn ruler again.

"I'd like to calculate _your_ angles," Jason said quickly. To his horror, the mathematician didn't even seem to have heard him.

Stupid triangles with their stupid angles.

He stared grumpily into space for a few minutes, hating triangles for being more attractive than him. What did Pythagoras see in them? They didn't have a six-pack, did they?

It took him a while to realize that Pythagoras was mouthing all sorts of curses at an unfinished equation. Jason saw his chance and he took it.

"I'd like to plug my solution into your equation."

Pythagoras' face lit up and he looked up at him once again. "Really?"

Oh, _now_ they were getting somewhere!

Jason grinned at him. "Oh yes. We can go to yo-"

"See, these numbers aren't quite right," the younger man interrupted, and Jason deflated like a balloon. "Do you think you could help me?"

"I... um..." Jason had always sucked at Maths. "No, sorry."

Pythagoras sighed, obviously disappointed.

Hercules was still there, shaking so hard with laughter that Jason could almost feel the ground shake.

And they were back to square one.

Jason stared at the mathematician and his triangles for a bit before he decided to give The Plan one last shot.

"I wish I were that equation, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on this table."

This was too much for Hercules. He let out a sound like that of a dying pig, followed by a series of cackles and giggles. Then, he took his jug of wine and left, probably to go to the tavern again.

Jason was glad to see him go.

"Hmm?" Said Pythagoras, not having noticed anything.

Really, would he notice if he started banging his head against the wall? Jason doubted it.

He sighed, letting his chin rest on his hands, and returned to his favorite sport in the world: Pythagoras-watching. He wasn't exactly sure why he was so attracted to the man. All he knew was the Pythagoras made him happy. And that he was kind, and brave and wonderful. And that he wanted to see those mesmerizing blue eyes every day for the rest of his life. And that he wanted to take his hand and hold him and kiss him and be able to call him _his_. Jason's. No one else's.

The eventual shagging would be nice, too.

"Aha!" cried Pythagoras as he wrote down one last number, beaming. He ran a hand through his hair, evidently pleased with himself.

This was just too much for Jason. "Pythagoras?" he said, gripping the younger man's shoulder.

And when those blue eyes met his, Jason didn't hesitate before kissing him. Pythagoras was still for a few moments, long enough for Jason to start panicking, but then he was kissing him back and Jason wasn't thinking anything at all and good Lord, this was _wonderful_. Pythagoras' lips were soft and warm and tasted of honey and Jason couldn't breathe because this was happening, and Pythagoras was making all sorts of delicious sounds and a pair of skinny arms were wrapped around his neck and it was _perfect_

When they eventually stopped for air, Pythagoras' face was beet red. "I-I-I... I had no idea... I didn't think that you- I mean, I... Why didn't you say anything!?"

And Jason laughed because this was just so ridiculous and his hands were still on the younger man's hips and really, this conversation could wait.

"Come on," he said, tugging Pythagoras towards his room, already burning with the need to taste those lips again.

"W-What are we-"

"I'm going to show you what a 'sub' is."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and/or comments if you liked it!  
> I promise I'll write more serious stuff from now on.  
> Have a nice day!


End file.
